My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
