I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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