So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
