Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
