Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
