Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
