eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
