This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
