Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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