Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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