Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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