you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.