i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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