Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
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She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!