Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it

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(313): View more from Michigan

so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...

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(805): View more from California

An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.

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27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Read it at the TFLN blog
(617): View more from Massachusetts

i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink

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(860): View more from Connecticut

All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!

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