she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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