Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I have grass duct taped all over my body
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
