We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
