But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
