so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
