My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
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