i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
