Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
