6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I skipped work to stalk him.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
