WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
