i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
