I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
