Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize