I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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