I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
