i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think I won the penis lottery.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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