How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
