Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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