I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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