I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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