think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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