break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
