she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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