my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
