Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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