you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
