I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
