i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
