it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
