You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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