i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
