Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
