Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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