woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
