I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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