Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
