The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
