I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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