she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There are leaves in my underwear?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
