there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
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