He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
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You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
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Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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