I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
