I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
