I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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