Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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