everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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