dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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