I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
