Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
