I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
