I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
