how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
