I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
