at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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