i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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